bright lights

i have satellite radio in my car and i spend time listening to talk radio (i know i am old).  I listened to an interview that i had heard before from a gentleman who was in a plane wreck.  He had 20 seconds from the time that the plane came to a stop to get out until the entire plane was engulfed in flames, he saw a man run up to him completely on fire with a confused look on his face.  The man was sure that he must be on fire as well and probably had the same look of confusion on his face.  He said that he turned around and looked in the plane and it was as if it were a dante's inferno, people were burning to death strapped into their seats.  He said that he could see a light leave their bodies, some lights were brighter than others.  That incident taught him to be more empathetic to other people and their plight, he wanted to be a better person, ensuring that a very bright light will leave his body when he dies. 

Two ladies had a conversation about dying, one wanted to know if they were going to die and the other wanted to die peacefully.  I would want to know for one reason, i have no clue what it is like to live life without anxiety and i really think that knowing when i was going to die (especially if it were soon) would take away the fog in my life and make the really important things clear.  When i smoked, it dawned on me one day that i wouldn't live long enough to retire so i probably shouldn't worry about it.  Watching my mother with cancer and how it had hit her financially is what made me quit smoking. 

I woke up yesterday exhausted, i struggled through my day, came home and fell asleep.  I truly wondered if normal people feel this exhausted EVERY day.  One of my assistant's sister is having a baby, she was taking off early to go and watch the ultrasound, she was very excited.  I stood and looked at her and said dryly "i really wished that i was excited about something".  I should have followed that with, except food.