I have had a headache all day long...Sundays used to be days filled with coffee and homework, now I just want to lay in bed with my cat all day. I usually only venture out for food. I finally ran out of coffee creamer and went to the grocery store for the first time in 2013....yes, i get how really sad this is.
I think that i am finally going to break down and find a new shrink. My meds are no longer working and my weight is back at my highest.
I watched a Jamie Foxx interview today and was jealous of his wisdom, introspect, and self assuradeness. My realization was that all of these things come from age and wisdom. I am able to read a manual and shorten the blinds in the office (Buckley was locked in the office and practiced his interior design skills again), but there isn't a manual for my madness. I feel as though I am so broken that I should come with a warning label. I feel so used that I am of little or no use to anyone. The problem with all of this is that i allowed all of these things to happen in my life, with my bad decision. There comes a point and time in life where you stop blaming your childhood, put on your big girl panties and become an adult. I look like an adult, i function like an adult, but i still feel like that nine year old child of divorce, desperately treading water trying to find something/someone to grab onto. I substitute other people's judgement for my own, expect other people to validate me, and must have others to approve me.
I think that i am finally going to break down and find a new shrink. My meds are no longer working and my weight is back at my highest.
I watched a Jamie Foxx interview today and was jealous of his wisdom, introspect, and self assuradeness. My realization was that all of these things come from age and wisdom. I am able to read a manual and shorten the blinds in the office (Buckley was locked in the office and practiced his interior design skills again), but there isn't a manual for my madness. I feel as though I am so broken that I should come with a warning label. I feel so used that I am of little or no use to anyone. The problem with all of this is that i allowed all of these things to happen in my life, with my bad decision. There comes a point and time in life where you stop blaming your childhood, put on your big girl panties and become an adult. I look like an adult, i function like an adult, but i still feel like that nine year old child of divorce, desperately treading water trying to find something/someone to grab onto. I substitute other people's judgement for my own, expect other people to validate me, and must have others to approve me.
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