my genetic father

my mother calls the other morning at 2am, leaving me a voicemail of a phone number on how to contact my genetic father.  She must have found the information from when Matt and I first got married, she had contacted him, told him i was getting married and wanted to start a family.  She wanted to know if there was anything on his side of the family that i should be concerned about, he said no, his parents both died of old age and then said he had to go and would call back later....he never did.  I figure that is my answer about a future relationship with my genetic father. 

I have an address, i could always write a letter and then wait to see if i get a response.  I just always wondered what good could come out of this relationship, would i be a symbol of guilt to him, a mistake, the hick part of the family from Oklahoma.  I always figured he was the law enforcement person who had the access to find me, and if it were important to him then he would've before i turned 40??

More personal baggage to carry with me.  I always wondered if i saw him, would i know that he was my father, would i see the similarities immediately or would they be less apparent.  Lord knows, i don't need one more family member in my life that i have to force a relationship with....maybe i really was raised by wolves.  I have never really felt that family tie, that do or die, i will always be by your side....which is why i have always needed to be fiercely independent financially.  I have always hated to have to ask for help. 

I remember once asking my dad to put air in my tires, he was working full time and going to law school.  I was just being lazy, wanting someone else to do something for me.  He told me that he wasn't always going to be there to take care of my car.  That was an important lesson for me and how to be more independent.