death, grief, and food

sometimes the most difficult thing is watching someone you care about hurt

A good person i had the pleasure of meeting when i switched companies just lost his mother in law.  I never know what to say except, i am here, tell me what you need, and i am sorry.  It seems like lip service and not even adequate for the situation, almost patronizing. 

I think there are some things that are sacred.  I think that if you want to pay your final respects and view the body, you should go to the funeral home.  I don't want people i don't know gawking at my dead body at the funeral.  I don't need or want to hear their commentary. 

Why is it when a tragedy happens we all want to feed the grieving family.  When i am sure eating is the last thing they want to do.  I am guilty of it as well, but figure that it is my dysfunctional relationship with food and using it as a coping skill. 

My inefficiency to handle grieving and wanting to fix the issue comes from my codependency and my inability to deal with negative emotions.  Any emotion other than happiness makes me very uncomfortable.  I find it very difficult to disassociate from the person and their feelings, not taking responsibility for the cause or the cure as if the situation was my own. 

The only thing that has made me be able to detach myself and not become personally involved in the outcome of these people with negative emotions (most i have no personal connection with other than coworkers or customers) is that these people usually make a life of sucking the life out of other people and having them feel and be responsible for their lot in life.