Friday, February 17, 2012

part deux

10. We have stuffed our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much; (DENIAL)
11. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem;
12. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings which would repeat feelings of our childhoods with preoccupied people who were unable to be there emotionally for us;
13. Alcoholism is a family disease and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we may not have picked up the drinking escape;
14. ACA's, co-dependents, ACOA's are reactors rather than actors.

10)  i have learned to anesthetize my feelings with a combination of food, alcohol, relationships, things, and anything else that i thought would work

11) I just myself very harshly.  It always seems to amaze my bosses when they see my self review and i have basically checked needs improvement on every box. 

12)I pick people based on my perception of whether they will abandon me or not.  I was with someone once and told a friend, that i knew he would never leave me.  He broke up with me and then spent the next decade telling everyone that i was the one.  He still sniffs around every once in a while.  The minute i think someone is going to abandon me, i put up the wall. 

13) ?

14) I used to procrastinate so that i could be a reactor, letting situations define my actions.  Now it just gives me anxiety and despise feeling like a victim after so many years of feeling helpless either because of my own decisions or someone elses.

No comments:

Post a Comment