Friday, February 3, 2012

letting go

it is funny how easy it is to be an outsider looking in and be able to see things so clearly, perspective.  It really makes me stand back and take a look at my actions, surroundings, and decisions. 

Integrity is what you do when no one is looking. 

I had a conversation with a coworker yesterday about a person we used to work with and the unethical things this person did.  My coworkers view of the situation was when you mess with a snake don't be surprised when you get bit. 

I recently learned that i should pay more attention to my first impression and especially to my gut feeling.  I was played by a friend.  It is amazing how easy it is for people to tell you all the things you want to hear and how easy you fall for it.  It doesn't shock me that this happens, but it does shock me when i mean so little to someone that it was easy to destroy a friendship for them to try and get what they wanted.

I spent months telling myself that i was such an idiot to fall for it, to not trust my instinct that told me he was full of crap, and trying to figure out what was wrong with me.  In the past i would have continued this behavior of beating myself down (there is something familiar and comforting with the pain).  I now consider myself lucky that i dodged a bullet and the problem is with the this person, not with me.  I am a kind, giving person, and i don't want to be jaded and suspicious of other people.  I lived too long in that world, always trying to figure out what people's agenda was, wondering who was going to put the next knife in my back.  I don't ever want to live in that world or be that person (i didn't like that person).  I wish him god's love and god's luck and let him go. 

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