The following are some of the characteristics that result in diminished happiness, creativity, and self realization
1. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures;
2. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process;
3. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism;
4. We become alcoholics, marry them, or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our expectations of abandonment & inattention
5. We live life from the viewpoint of victims;
6. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves. This enables us not to look too closely at our faults, etc.
7. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others;
8. We may became addicted to excitement;
9. We confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity" and "rescue";
Okay, was just wondering if two codependent people could exist in a relationship, not just exist, make the relationship a success. Finding these 14 descriptions of codependents makes me realize that i have so far to go.
1) I am very isolated. I go to work and seem to be very outgoing, but it is a situation that i kind of control. It is my stage and i put on my game face very well. I find it very confusing when others aren't able to hide their issues and put on their game face and perform for the audience (customers). I come home and hide in my virtual world of texting and facebook. It is not abnormal for me to not leave the house when i don't have school or work. I cant tell you the last time i went to church and absolutely hate going to church on sunday, because i don't want to stand up, sit down, shake hands, and sing fifteen songs. I want to go and hear the word of god. I don't want to meet new people or have to be pleasing (don't i do that enough at work).
2) Absolutely, i am an approval seeker. To have to disappoint someone is horrible for me. If i am five minutes late to open the store, i am freaking out, because someone had to wait on me. If my boss sends me an email about something that i am failing on, i have to really talk myself down from the anxiety of failing.
3) angry people make me incredibly uncomfortable. I was at a hamburger place one day and this lady was upset because a room wasn't reserved for her and she just stood there waiting to talk to the manager, i could feel how angry she was and it caused me so much anxiety. Even though the situation had nothing to do with me, i didn't have to handle it, and she wasn't angry at me. I couldn't calm down or sit still. I take personal criticism better than i used to be able to, but getting in trouble is a different story. I would almost chew off my arm than have to tell someone i did something or something happened that would get me in trouble. This has caused me lots of grief.
4) workaholic, yep, i have something to prove and must prove it everyday by working so hard that i am exhausted by the time that i get home. Self fulfilled prophecy, find someone who is emotionally unavailable and reinforce the thought that you aren't worth anything. If the person who says that they love you cant give you what you need then you must not be worth anything.
5)Lifetime, i call it the victim network. There is always some poor chic that is getting raped, beaten, living in poverty, has a cheating husband and then she spends the rest of the movie crying about it. I have lived so much of my life from that viewpoint that i am sick of hearing myself complain and give advice that i don't even care to follow. I always picked men that would most assuredly give me the starring role as the victim.
6) which is why i have always been in management. Nothing like feeling personally responsible for 15 people and the hundreds of customers that walk into your front doors every day. Dissecting every interaction as to what was your fault and how you can carry the blame. It is so much easier to focus on the problems of others than yourself.
7) I am not sure if guilt is the correct word. Anxiety for the impending confrontation, or that i have to become so angry in order to stand up for myself. Letting lots of little things pile up until i explode and therefore losing all credibility with the other person because i sound like a mad women who chose to freak out about the towel on the floor instead of being able to communicate that i am not getting what i need.
8) addicted to excitement...see number 5.
9) I once had a lady that told me her daughter picked up men like puppy dogs. The bad boys were my crusade, thinking they had some hidden soft side that they would deem me special enough to share this side with me.
continued tomorrow
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