Wednesday, March 21, 2012

the narcissist II

I am going to try and get this blog back on track in order to continue to purge this baggage from my head and heart

I have had my heart broken many times, but the last one really stuck with me.  Bob (the narcissist) and i started dating in early 1999 and he left me on his birthday August 15, 2001.  Almost a month before 9/11.  I always thought of that day as my personal 9/11.  Bob had phoned me that morning and i had known instantly that something was wrong, he always called me beautiful when i answered the phone.  This time he didn't say it, he said that we needed to talk that night (but of course after he was done playing his game).  I said "you are leaving me".  I don't remember his answer, but i can tell you that anything other than no, is not good.  I went to work, i was a wreck (the first of many days that i would be a wreck).  I left drove home, my mother made me a pineapple upside down cake and bought me a 12 pack of beer (random, but my favorite desert) and doesn't beer always help a heartache??

I stayed the night and reluctantly drove home the next day.  I arrived at home and Bob was sitting at his desk with zero clothing on.  I couldn't believe that he acted as if nothing was different.  Immediately, we started having a fight about finances.  My ex had made me feel so selfish about money that i had gone to the other extreme and let Bob control the checkbook (last time that will ever happen).  I had an epiphany, i just walked away.  I no longer had to be entangled in this toxic relationship. 

I must rewind.....

I had met Bob at the end of my marriage, he gave me the strength to get off that merry go round.  He had totally swept me off my feet (which after my ex probably wasnt too difficult to do).  Things were amazing for about 8 months.  I helped Bob get a job at a company i had worked for, he was suppose to catch shoplifters (he told me he had been an MP in the military......i am so gulliable).   I had left that company and had just finished training for another retail big box store.  I had this feeling that things were about to go terribly wrong. 

Apparently, Bob thought it would be a good idea to put a camera in his office.  Bob thought it would be a good idea to steal from his place of employment.  Bob had also thought it would be a good idea to cheat on his girlfriend that helped him get the job that he was stealing from and to video tape himself with another girl.  He had worked an overnight to make sure the stockers werent stealing (funny, i know).  The next morning he was leaving the store and his boss stopped him, asked to search his bag (the one i had bought him) and found the stolen merchandise.  He went to jail and was released later that evening.  I am an idiot.  The video tape was found and everyone i knew was calling me to tell me about it, to get me away from him, but i was IN LOVE and an idiot.  This is when our relationship turned toxic and i spent my time rearranging chairs on a ship that was going down. 

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