unanswered prayers

when you are growing up, you think that everyone has the same experiences that you do in life

high school sweethearts and first loves

I had known my high school sweetheart from the time that i transferred to my new school in 7th grade.  We rode the bus together.  I had talked with him about his girl issues and he gave me crap about the different guys i was always "going with" (not sure why we called it that, because we never went anywhere).  I was fickle back then as well. 

The summer between my sophomore and junior year in high school, we had spent some time together.  My bff had a huge crush on his cousin, so we would cruise around.  He wanted me to "go with him", being fickle i told him that i didn't see a need.  Needless to say, school started and i was off with someone else. 

Then our junior year, he was finally able to pin me down.  We went riding around one night and when he took me home, i got out of the truck (on his side of course), he asked if he was going to get a kiss, and i said something coy. He grabbed my hand as i walked off and he turned me around, giving me the most amazing kiss EVER!!

I was instantly smitten and we were inseparable until summer came, he took a summer job out of state.  It didn't take long for my fickle heart to set eyes on someone else.  He came home, i fessed up and he told me he didn't care, he loved me.  I was so unprepared for that response that i left. 

It didn't take me long to realize that i wanted him back, his heart wasn't in it.  I flew to California with my mother and on the way back she told me that it never works out the second time.  She was right.  I called my friend who told me he was seen at the football game with someone else.  I was so embarrassed, but really i had gotten what i deserved. 

This is yet another reason why i find it extremely difficult to leave a relationship, scared i wont be able to take it back and spend forever wishing things would have gone differently.

He soon cheated on that girl with her friend and his friend's girlfriend.  They were married and he beat the crap out of her for the next decade.......