Wednesday, March 28, 2012

broke picker

I slept with the light on until i was in high school. 

My adoptive father had class until 11:10pm on tuesday and thursday, baseball games on saturday and sunday, so most of the time i slept in an empty house trailer alone.  I lived in the middle of nowhere, no neighbors next door to run to, and no one to hear your scream.  Since my adoptive father had spent most of my life telling me that bad people he had put away were getting out of jail/prison and would probably try to find him, i lived in constant fear.  Probably why i suffer from anxiety now.  Whenever i would try and express these fears to him, i would be told that "there isnt anything that is going to happen to you".  I guess remembering all of the bad people was only convenient when he wanted to remember them.  This is this man that i would pick all future mates based upon.  No wonder my social life has always been a train wreck, or as my brother would say.....my picker was broke. 

Once i was at my parents house and i heard a noise in the middle of the night, the dog barked.  I woke up the next morning to the back window broke out in my dad's unmarked vehicle.  I told him that i had heard something.  He asked why i didnt wake him up.  I had no logical answer except for i always heard things in the middle of the night, but no one ever placed any importance on my opinion. 

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