"do something every day that scares you".....I am not sure that this is possible, but I did do something this week that scared the crap out of me. I rode a roller coaster....I don't not like the feeling of falling. I closed my eyes and thought of the fish out of the water, fighting for air, and the idea that the fight or flight would kick that fishes endorphins into overdrive therefore allowing it to heal itself.
I know that my fear of roller coasters are a control thing. I just closed my eyes and allowed my body to go with the twists and turns. my leg was literally shaking when I got off but I really did not want it to stop. I wanted to learn to embrace the discomfort until it became familiar. this is probably why roller coasters aren't very long, people would not feel the need to ride it again and again and again.
it was a good trip and it was fun to spend time with my in laws. I keep getting the message loud and clear that no one can heal this hole in my heart. I have to find a way to love myself, this is the only way that I can truly feel love. love that wont leave, say mean things to me, or hurt me.
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