i didn't make it to my board meeting this morning, I was too tired and needed the sleep. I did manage to get two weeks of schedules done so that I can go on vacation next week and I desperately need it, but then I have inventory when I get back and will probably be just as tired from that process.
I am not looking forward to therapy tomorrow. I do not want to talk about my ex husband.
I do feel as though I have gotten a better handle on school this summer, but next week I will be gone and will probably be behind again and feverishly trying to play catch up. I have to find someone to take care of the dogs. I hate leaving them with people I don't know or worse yet, leaving them at the vet. I am afraid the building is going to burn down and they will have no way to get out.
speaking of which, about the time that I got married the first time I had the overcoming fear that I was going to die in a car wreck (should have been my first clue not to get married). I still have a saint Christopher's medallion in my car to this day. the other evening I had this overwhelming fear that the house would burn down and the animals would be trapped inside. god, I hope I don't have to spend my entire life this way. it is exhausting. I already take anti anxiety medication three times a day.
I came home today and cleaned the house....I know that being able to get up tomorrow to a clean house will make me feel better. i am doing much better, i don't stay in bed every day that i am off. i am not sure if that is because i don't have the option or i just don't have the need for it. i still get extremely tired, i had to take a nap yesterday. i have to admit three hours was much better than my usual eight hour nap on Sundays.
i am not sure what happened to me in the last year. i don't know if it was too much over scheduling that finally caught up with me. having to let go of a dream. or a combination of it all.
if god will lead you to it, then he will lead you through it. maybe this is my wake up call.
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