Friday, July 12, 2013

the ditch

i am so happy to be home, to sleep in my own bed.  I missed my animals so much, now I know why I never go anywhere. 

I know that every day is suppose to be a new day, but everyday in my house feels like the same exact day.  I have no one to blame for that except myself. 

I am glad that I took this vacation. I learned a lot about myself and even more last night.  I am learning to express my needs and be realistic about whether those needs will be met or not.  I am starting to not be scared to be on my own.  I think that it will come soon as my partner has expressed to me his unhappiness.  I made a commitment to my husband and I haven't always done the best to keep my end of the bargain, I will leave this marriage with no regrets.  I have learned that regret is an awful thing. 

I think I have the winning combination of meds, support, and a therapist who is willing to hold my feet to the fire. 

there is a story in the bible about a donkey in a ditch on Sabbath day.  Jesus refused to allow the donkey to lay in the ditch even though it was the day of rest, so he "worked" and got the donkey out of the ditch.  I have heard mention of this story at least six times in the past month.  I am still working out what it means.....maybe it just means that I need to get my "ass" out of the ditch.  stop with this depression that continues to drag the life from me. 

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