Monday, July 8, 2013

the need to punish myself

BAITERs (Backstabbers, Abusers, Imposters, Takers, Exploiters and Reckless) and that evil people are all around us.
I thought there was something very interesting about the abusers, they are anyone that make you feel bad after you encounter them. 

I saw an interview with a guy yesterday that had been an architect for 27 years.  he had felt as if he had prostituted himself for money and accolades.  he studied architecture in school because his father wanted him to do it and he thought that he could pass the classes.  he had taken an herbal supplement that was tainted and left him in bed for almost five months.  his son came in one day and said "how dare you die on me".  he decided at that time if he had another chance to go round the world, he would do things differently.  he says now he scrutinizes every time he says yes to something and ensures that it aligns with vision spiritually and materially. 

I know I have an issue with saying yes to things that I shouldn't.  I have gotten a lot better at thinking before I just answer.  I think that I used to do it as a way of sabotage.  I would say yes, only to wait until the last minute to back out.  it was as if letting people down would reinforce my load of guilt that I needed to carry.  it would give me something else to hate myself for.  now, I try really hard to be a person of my word.  we had a survey at work about two years ago and my employees really knocked me on not being able to depend on me keeping my word.  that was a wake up call. now I think about that before I make a commitment. 

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