fortunes

"be prepared to modify your plan.
It'll be good for you!"

this was my fortune cookie last night

so..what kind of plans do I have?
I plan for retirement, if cancer doesn't get me first.  I am hoping that since I quit smoking that I have greatly reduced my risk.

I plan to finish school....hopefully before I turn 50

I am starting to plan my exit strategy, which will probably not be a very well executed plan more like an opportunity taken.

oh well, that is about as much time as I am going to spend on that fortune cookie. 

yesterday I realized how absolutely lonely I have felt for the last year of my life and I am sure that has not helped my depression.  I cried that I actually meant something to another human being and for once I didn't want to just fall off the face of the earth,  I spent the entire day in a house with no one to talk to except the animals, Facebook being my only social contact and to receive a phone call from someone who just wanted to hear the sound of my voice.  Wow.  I found myself smiling last night.  What?  A smile that isn't part of the mask that I have learned to wear in public so that I don't disappoint people, that would be absurd.

I then remind myself that I still have lots of work to do and I cant make any major changes for a year....blah, blah, blah.  My therapist is going to have a lot to digest tomorrow.  I have to deal with my mother dying, I cannot check out any longer and time is ticking.  I just don't want the day to come and to be filled with regrets. Unfortunately, she is the shell of the person that she was and that talking to her would be like talking to other people in my life...more dialogue, but would still end up not getting my point across and become frustrated.