fierce and fearless

"I used to revel in gossip and rumors. I lived for the negativity inflicted upon my sister actresses or anyone who I felt, whose shine diminished my own. I took joy in people's pain and I tap danced on their misery."  Gabrielle Union

i am a mean girl, not as mean as i once was, but still have work to do. 

i do try to say a prayer that God will heal people's heart, but when i see someone walk through the door and they are 500lbs.  i judge, first that as a society we have allowed this to become acceptable and attainable.  then, secretly with fear that i wont be able to get my weight under control and i will continue to eat my feelings.  then thankful that isn't me, yet. 

i am nice to people's face then whisper under my voice that they are a dumb ass or roll my eyes when they walk away.

i don't reveal in other people's misery the way that i used to, because i realized what it felt like to be on the other end of that stick.  i don't think that other people's success necessarily takes away from mine.  i have stopped competing on the business front and i am more concerned about making my own personal success.  this comes from things that have to be accomplished by one's own self.  i am the only one that is held accountable for my school work and my grades.  i have to look at myself in the mirror and be proud of the choices that i made or didn't make.  i am the one that has to look at that number on the scale and learn how to be okay with it and know that it is all my doing.  i know that gossip is a sin and is probably my biggest weakness, it no longer makes me feel good and i don't want to be that person that people have to worry about when they turn their back on me.  i have been on the receiving side of that as well and it doesn't boost your self esteem. 

maybe this reform comes from age, experience, or maturity, i am not sure, but i am sure that i don't want to be that person again.  i may not be happy with who i am today, but i know being that person wont make me any more happy. 

Gabrielle was accepting the fierce and fearless award from essence magazine, she defined real fierce and fearless women as being
*able to communicate
*admit mistakes and correct them
*use their voice for something other than self promotion
*be able to celebrate other people's victories