mirror, mirror, on the wall

i have spent my entire life trying to be perfect to please people, to not make their life difficult, to not inconvenience anyone

i take criticism to heart, after all i feel as though i have tried to do what would make other people in my life happy.  i just need to be like a duck and let it flow right off my back.  it is so ironic that the one thing that other people do that really hurts you or annoys you is the same thing that you are guilty of.  my only question is, how do you break the cycle.  i hate conflict so much that i usually strike like a snake when i have an issue.  i just bottle it up inside until i am angry then i just blurt it out and then recoil.  not necessarily waiting for an answer or rebuttal.  i suppose that i am not that used to people in my life caring enough to respond, or being afraid that their response would be to leave.  always afraid to ask for more.  besides, i am the queen of acting like everything is all right. 

this would be another lesson on how to stand on my own two feet, emotionally.  i am not perfect, never will be perfect, and if the people in my life cant accept my issues and my shortfalls, then they shouldn't be a part of my life. 

my next issue, is weeding out all of the drama.  this is really the reason why i have stopped talking to my people about their personal issues, trying to say as little as possible to encourage them to continue telling my their issues.  i need to take it one step further and always keep a task in my mind, so when they have free time to stand around (or worse yet follow me around) sucking the life out of me, i can whip out a task for them to go do and leave me alone. 

this is why i have no friends, i cannot stand needy people and i am the neediest of them all!!!