Friday, June 21, 2013

radically accepting things

i sent my bff a text the other night telling her that i am not sure how i would have made it without her and her family when we were growing up.  she asked me if i was drinking.  i told her no that i was digging up my childhood in therapy. she told me that she couldn't imagine what she would've done without me to take care of her all of those times that she blacked out from drinking. i told her that we were quite a pair.  i really don't think that i took really good care of her when she blacked out, unless you consider driving her home....drunk.  she then tells me that the first night her and her husband were together, he gave her a substance that he knew would make her pass out and him and his friend were planning on raping her.  what a great guy, this is the man that is the father of her child, my goddaughter.  LOVELY.  i just kept thinking, what was he going to tell his daughter when she got older and she asked "how did you two meet?"  i guess that i am not the only one that is awesome at picking winners. 

i told her that i felt that i was too old to sit around crying about my childhood.  she said "never too old. sad things are just sad things.  gotta radically accept things."  i thought this was good advice.

so my therapist told me that i needed to stop trying to be such a perfectionist, sometimes things just have to be good enough for government work.  i am taking two online classes this summer, one i will probably just max out on points, the other i will be lucky enough if i get a B.  at one time this would have killed me, now i am not sure if it is because i just don't care or if i am realistic in my time to devote to this class and how difficult it is to grasp a concept when you don't have a teacher to lecture.  oh well, i figure whichever it is the fact that i am not killing myself must be some sort of progress. 

1 comment:

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