detox

my sister was admitted into detox on thursday...said part is that i am relieved that it wasn't because of her schizophrenia

i immediately picked up the phone to call butch, he had to put up almost 6k before they would admit her.  i am actually shocked that his wife allowed him to put out that kind of money, i am sure that she expects that my sister pay it back....i have never seen anyone in my life so insecure about another man's daughters but expects him to go to the moon and back for her sons. 

i feel really guilty, i tried to call sister last night and the call immediately went to voicemail (this is before i knew where she was), i just figured her phone went dead.  she had sent me a text last weekend wanting me to come and spend the weekend with her and i had finally replied on thurday (ironic), i just needed to plan when to come. 

butch thinks that she will be out by monday, she is living in an apartment building that has an AA meeting.....i hope this helps

this is when my twisted sense of jealousy kicks in, i wish i could take time off from my life and focus on my issues, i wish i knew how....i wish i could find a way to label my issues like that and find a cure that easily.  not that i think fighting alcoholism is easy by any means, but it is at least a visible sign to the problems that are beneath.  am i wanting people to feel sorry for me, i dont know.  i would love to have something visible to give others the sign of the sickness.  no i wouldnt, i dont want the pity because i have perfected the face that i wear when i am out in public and have learned to procrastinate the extreme debilitating effects of depression until i am able to be at home.  a nursemaid would be nice.....good thing i have my appointment with my new shrink on tuesday.

i came home saturday to hug the dogs because i felt sad........it made my day a little brighter