Monday, April 15, 2013

no money for ransom

listening to NPR this morning and there is an author, Daniel Handler aka Lemony Snicket that writes teen novels and he had just written a children's book about the dark.  He said that when he was growing up, he was always scared that he would be kidnapped.  I am not sure at what age his mother told him that they really didn't have any money so no one would want to kidnap him because there wasn't any money to pay a worthy ransom.  He stated that he wished that his mother had told him this before because he had spent considerable time worrying about being taken.  He is two years older than i am and i never thought that anyone would take me for money, thank you butch, they were going to take me for revenge. 

last year i planted flowers in my flower bed because i was too embarrassed to put my sign in my yard and have people drive by and be more focused on the weeds growing in my flower bed and what a bad reflection that would have on me.  I planted mostly bulbs, it occurred to me the other day that none of my flowers were blooming.  Today i went out to see mostly weeds and thought to myself there was no way for anything else to bloom, the weeds had taken over.  While i was weeding the flower garden i was thinking about my husband and how overwhelmed he is with his new club.  My paranoia started taking over, how do i know that he is actually at a club function every night this week and next, because he had to get together a costume.  This could all be a ruse, then why would he go to Mr. X's place of business and buy that vest.  I started thinking of Mr. X and that ordeal, maybe he didn't pick me because i was too fat.  He was too fat, who is he to judge?  What would my life be like now if things had worked out differently.  I will tell you how, i would be living with a perfectionist who couldn't keep his unit in his pants. 

isn't it amazing how fortunate i am things didn't work out the way i thought they should at the time, but i am still trying to find fault with myself and what i did wrong.  Face it, no one wants to be rejected, we all love the feeling of being pursued.  I have learned one thing the ones that try the hardest to pursue you, will run the other way just as fast when you stop running. 

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