I used to go through all of my adoptive fathers mail and sort the bills. Taking the statement and putting it with the envelope, so that when he was paid once a month, he could pay all of the bills. He kept getting these statements from DHS and i really had no idea what they were for. I just kept putting them in a pile. I once showed them to one of his girlfriends. Turns out they were statements for child support, because this student had listed him as the father on the birth certificate? My mother always said that i did to be vindictive and cause him trouble. The problem was that i really liked this girlfriend and i really didn't want her to go anywhere.
The various women that came and went, the dirty books, magazines, and movies that were left all over the house. This is where i get my view of sex as being something ugly, not something beautiful to be shared between two people who really care for each other. Women were a conquest to Butch, his ego had to have it, as if he had to prove he wasn't the pimple faced nerd from high school. Women were objectified, not to be respected, they were a piece of ass for his enjoyment with no other purpose in this world. Sister and i would hate it when we would go to a restaurant and he would flirt with the waitress, or better yet, hit on her friends.
It became even worse when i got older and he continued to date young women. Once i went to a party and the chic he was dating wasn't even 21...everyone kept asking me if my "stepmother" asked me to buy her beer, would i contribute to the delinquency of a minor?
He actually had a conversation with me once about keeping a man happy in bed so he wouldn't stray, really?? He always said that my mother conditionally loved him. I spent my life striving to unconditionally love, always thinking that if i stood up for myself and was selfish that i would be like my mother (which was obviously a bad thing).
No comments:
Post a Comment