potential

ants in a bucket....tony used to say

"ever watched a bunch of ants stuck in a bucket......if one starts to crawl their way out, the rest of the ants pull him back down"

women are very bad at this, it is as if we believe there is only so much happiness to go around

this is why we pick the bad guy, we think that IF we are special enough, he will change for us and this will prove to the entire world that we are so special....like the princess kissing the frog to find her prince (no wonder we are so messed up). 

if i am not watching something random on TV, i am listening to it on the radio (what did i do before satellite radio).  There was a couple who had been together about three years and engaged for two of those years, they were asking the question, should they get married or not.  Apparently, she had the vision of a perfect wedding and he was smart enough to figure out that if she didn't get it that he would pay dearly.  She wanted their relationship to be perfect, no, she wanted him to be perfect.  She corrected the way he ate, dressed, spoke.....  When he would try to express doubts about getting married, she would cry, and he would back off.  He thought she would get the message by finding him in bed with two women (go big or go home).  The shrink pointed out to the girl that he had made a list of all of the good things that she had said about her future husband and it was....he was cute and he had potential.  STOP RIGHT THERE. 

I am no longer listening to this train wreck and i am thinking of my disastrous love life, POTENTIAL.  Let us start with my first husband, he was going to be an Ag teacher and i was going to be his loving wife......WRONG.  He ended up moving back in with mommy and daddy driving a school bus.  Bachelor #2, he was a driver for Coke, had owned his own business, been in the military and had driven a BMW (i guess i should have asked what the stood for).  He was a sociopath, cheated on me SEVERAL times and left me broke and broken.  Bachelor #3, he was a "project coordinator"......uh, no....he was a mean drunk with a bad back. 

I was always scared to leave these relationships for fear that these guys/boys might actually get their act together and i wouldn't be there to enjoy the fruits of my labor (aka the bad boy changing for me because i was SPECIAL).....little yellow bus to school special. 

I am the queen at seeing the potential.  I have learned that sometimes you want things for people more than they want those things for themselves.