motto

I love you regardless of how well you are performing.  Sometimes you feel uneasy, wondering if you are doing enough to be worthy of My love.

This is a passage from my daily devotion, Jesus Calling

I feel uneasy most of the time, waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Fearful that if i am not prepared for the worst and it happens, i will be unprepared.  This is exhausting, but i have done it for soooooo long that it is my security.  I now have to voice my concerns to someone, trying to find the words to describe my panic, feeling the panic, then try to let it go. 

I am very concerned that if i don't perform well that bad things will happen to me and my life.  I learned from an early age that if you aren't thankful for things then they are taken away.  I took my early childhood for granted, where i had a mother who cared for me,  took care of me, and didn't view me as the enemy then she was gone. 

Expect the worst, prepare for the worst, and don't expect anything more than the worst.............this has been my motto, this has exhausted me, made me a wreck, and allowed me to take less than from other people in my life.