entitlement

one time my mother asked me how the divorce had affected me.  I told her that it had made me more thankful.

I think what i really meant was it made me scared to not be thankful because it can all be taken away in a second.  A friend always said "you are one phone call away from a bad day".  Cynical but true. 

I always blamed myself for not being thankful for what i had when i had it.  I felt as though i had an attitude of entitlement.  If i had not have taken my mother being there for granted that maybe she would not have left.  I sent my mother one of those chain emails (i don't usually forward them on unless i really think the other person will find them amusing).  She replied "I remember when you were young and how well we got along. I loved you so much. Love you now..."  I have seen pictures and we look as though we are happy, but i don't remember those times.  I must have been three when her and my adoptive father were married.  They must have been happy, but i don't remember those times either.