How does family dysfunction produce codependency? When parents exhibit problems that bring chaos to a family, the children are forced to abandon being children and must enter survival mode. In survival mode, children can become hypervigilent - that is, they compulsively scan their environment to detect the next threat to their safety and well-being.
I once read that women are programed to look at situations and find the threat quickly. Cavemen just had to hunt and not be hunted. Cavewomen had to cook, clean (i guess), and make sure the children weren't hunted. This conditioned women to immediately focus on things that could be dangerous.
I have spent most of my life waiting for the other shoe to drop, in a constant state of yin and yan. Thinking that if one aspect of my life was going good that the other would soon be in the ditch. I am not sure how much of that thinking became a self fulfilling prophecy. When the moment would come, i was able to reveal in the crisis and then get prepared for the next one.
I finally started to stop thinking this way, when i met my husband. I was finally able to get out of a relationship with an alcoholic that lasted way too long. I finally had someone who adored me, had a job, and a great family. I had to talk myself out of getting into crisis mode and waiting for the other shoe to drop with my professional life. The funny thing about waiting for the other shoe is, anything and everything can either be considered bad or good.
Perfect example, yesterday, i was late for work. I had to iron two separate pairs of pants, because i had ordered three pairs of size 12 pants (the first pair i ironed and tried to wear were obviously marked incorrectly). I thought it was suppose to be in the upper sixties and didn't wear a long sleeve undershirt. My coffee maker either didn't actually heat the coffee or i grabbed a cup from the previous day (not really going to spend much time thinking on that one), because when i got to work the coffee was cold. My groomer didn't feel the need to schedule anyone at 8am, so i got to answer the phone and check in the dogs. My night crew managed to lose the keys to the bird hex and so i played handywoman yesterday and changed the lock, so i didn't have to explain why i lost three $500 birds. I think one of my employees has fallen off the wagon and he called in. One of my department managers is trying to stop drinking (i think trying to make me start) and is in a constant state of manic or depressive behavior. My aquatics specialist roommate is the child of alcoholics and her boyfriend left her so she tried to commit suicide.
So, i ironed another pair of pants for me, warmed my coffee in the microwave (praying my dollar tree cup didn't explode), answered the phone, played with the dogs in grooming, called in a replacement, went to penneys and bought a clearance sweater (four actually, super cute), ran to lowes and purchased a new lock (keyed an incident report and waited for the nastygram from my boss), replaced my wagon fallen employee, gave my department manager some tough love (suggesting he go to some AA meetings...which i think he thought people drank at these meetings) and hugged my crying aquatics specialist and told her to get away from her toxic roommate.
How was my day yesterday you ask? I lost my cool twice, but i had a really good day.
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