the outcast

I used to think that i was special.  Everyone told me i was special and then i realized this is what they are suppose to tell you. 

Lets see, it was the early 80's, people did not get divorced in this small town and if they would have the male would not have raised the female child that wasn't theirs by blood.  My adoptive father was the typical ex cop, baseball coach, army guy.  He cussed like a sailor, tried to bed any woman who would give him a second, and had little or no patience for a daughter.  I don't really remember when i became conscious of the fact that people looked down on me because of this.  There are things that you don't learn when there isn't a woman around to teach you, little things.  Everyone in my life felt the need to tell me what having my period would be like and not to panic that i wasn't bleeding to death.  I had been shaving my legs for at least two years before i found out that most people don't shave their thighs.  I didn't know that you should wash the chlorine out of your hair when you get out of the pool.  I figure i had been in water, wasn't that as good as taking a shower?  I remember once, that i had gone to bed with wet hair after getting out of the pool and woke up the next morning with awesome hair.  A teacher stopped me and asked what i had done to my hair to make it look so great, she didn't seem very excited when i told her.  In order to save time in the morning, i decided that i would sleep in the clothes that i was going to wear the next day......a mother would have noticed this. 

Once, there was a gift exchange for a Christmas party at school.  I was such a tomboy that my adoptive father had picked out a puzzle, it was a star wars puzzle.  I took it to school and we did our exchange and the person who received it thought they had picked a boy gift by mistake.  I remember stealing the gift tag from the package so that i wouldn't have to explain why i thought this was a totally appropriate gift for a girl, these are things that having a mother around would have been helpful. 

I was very lucky to have a best friend who lived down the road from me and her family was straight out of a 70's family show, or so it seemed.  They lived in a beautiful 2 story house and her parents met in college.  Marjorie was a stay at home mom, later we found out how much she hated that, but from the outside it looked typical.  Thankfully, she took as much pity on me as she had the energy for, she made sure i ate breakfast daily and I spent more time at their house than i did my own.  I am sure the fact that i didn't turn out to be a stripper amazes them all.