“Codependency, by definition, means making the relationship more important to you than you are to yourself.....it doesn’t sound like it means a one-sided relationship. But that’s what it is. It means you’re trying to make the relationship work with someone else who’s not,”
My first love was intense. Summer came and he went away to work with his father and of course i was a teenager. I cheated. Trust me, he paid me back. After that relationship i could never be the leaver, i was always the levee. Unable to trust my ability to make the right decision. I don't know how to not work hard, especially when it comes to relationships. I would kill myself to be the person that i thought they wanted me to be. One time a boyfriend told me that the love of his life and him had never argued. I wanted to be that person, so i just didn't voice any concerns that i had about much of anything. I lost myself in that relationship. He finally cheated on me and left me. It destroyed me. I knew the relationship was toxic, but i was in too deep that i couldn't have found my way out if someone had given me a map and a flashlight.
Women are brought up with the idea that being selfish is a bad thing. If i had been more selfish and less willing to give so much of myself to people who didn't deserve it, i could have saved myself so much heartache. I am not talking the "wall", but boundaries. I am probably more to the other extreme now. Needy people suck the life out of me and i pull the cord for the ejector seat immediately. I know that i am giving way too much unused advice when i suddenly become tired of the sound of my voice.
I am so very thankful for the lessons that i have learned in life, i just wish that i would've been smart enough to follow good advice and saved myself so much heartache.
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