Wednesday, May 29, 2013

extremes

during my freshman year in high school we had received so much rain that all of the surrounding lakes were in or over flood stage.  it seemed as if it had rained every day for practically 40 days and 40 nights.  i was getting off the bus one morning and i fell as i came down the steps and my books went floating down the little river.  i was trying to pick them up and looked at the guy behind me to help me.  he just kept going.  i wasn't really that nice to him so i am not sure why i expected him to stop and help me.  i suppose i thought he would stop because i was cute.  you would have thought that would have taught me to treat people better in order to get them to help you.  it didn't, i was so insecure in high school that i tore everyone down in order to make myself feel better or to make myself look better. 

i still carry that with me these days and i cannot stand it.  i am at my heaviest and i keep on gaining.  i look at other women and i think "well, at least i am not that fat".  really, why do i think that this is a competition.  why do i think that i can eat my feelings away or just continue to eat so that i can feel something that feels good. 

i have to find the happy medium.  i downloaded a calorie tracker so i can keep track of what i am eating.  i did really well with that in the past, but i cannot become a calorie Nazi.  i am always to one extreme or the other and i cannot stand it. 

kingdom of god is goodness, peace, and joy.  oh, how i would love to know all of those things for any length of time. 

No comments:

Post a Comment