jon

"i want you in my arms, my life, and my bed" is the phrase that finally caught my attention

jon was someone from my past that i had met at the absolute wrong time in my life. i am so grateful that he was a part of my life.  he was so kind and loving at a time that i felt dead.  unfortunately, i wasn't so kind.  i believe that relationships have inertia, if you start off on the wrong path, you just continue that way.  i wasn't sure what to do or say the last time that we were together, it was just awkward.  i left feeling that i had taken a relationship that had made me once feel so special to making me feel cheap and i had used jon and didn't feel like such a great person. 

i was able to reconnect with jon years later.  thankfully, i had a clear mind but my life was still complicated.  once again we were in different places.  it was a beautiful dream that i wanted desperately

now, that the fog is lifting from my life, i am having vivid dreams.  i had a dream today that made my heart and body ache for jon. 

he had told me when he left my life that we needed to save ourselves, since we weren't able to rescue each other. 

tomorrow, i will start the road to saving myself.