outdone

as my friend would say "I am just outdone"

I have been asked and bullied to not put certain life situations in my blog. 

this is my space to work out the things that I need in my head and I originally thought that sharing it would bring a better understanding of my baggage.  I know that this blog has morphed into different things on different days and most days I wished that I would have just kept it a secret. 

I was really looking forward to tomorrow, to hopefully being part of a team in order to have a better future.  I am sad that I may just lose my bet and not even make it to two sessions. 

for once in my life I would like for someone to do something for me because it is in my best interest. 

I get that a relationship is about two people making compromises.  I feel as though I have made given up so much of what I needed, acted like it wasn't important, and learned how to smile through it all.  I am the queen of doing without. 

maybe this is god's way of having me stand on my own two feet.