refuse to settle

a family of swallows teaching their young to fly

mother and father gather all three babies on a dead tree branch four feet above the water.  mother pushes the first bird off and the bird starts to flap its wings and learns to fly.  mother pushes the second bird off and the bird stretches it's wings out and flies as well.  the third bird wasn't going to be pushed off the dead branch, it held on to the branch and ended up hanging upside down.  mother started pecking at the birds feet until the bird could no longer stand the pain and let go to learn to fly. 

you will stay in a situation until the pain becomes so unbearable that you will let go of something dead to learn to fly.

I fear that I am losing my soul.  I have had this feeling once before and the story is right, I will stay until the pain is worse than the discomfort of leaving.  I am calling tomorrow to see if I can get counseling for my marriage. 

I have learned that you should never have to apologize for how you feel and that other people do not have the right to tell you that your feelings are wrong. I never expected for someone else to place the same amount of importance on something that I do, but I do ask that you don't discount it. 

I know that I wear my feelings on my sleeve and I become easily hurt.  I thought that I had picked better and that my partner would handle my heart and feelings gently.  I believe that I am unrealistic in my expectations, but since I have spent a lifetime adjusting my expectations to what other people were willing to give me, I refuse to anymore.  this is the baggage that I carry with me now and unfortunately I think my marriage will fail because of it, but I don't think that I should settle for any less.