i was able to sleep last night, but i had really weird dreams again. i am beginning to see a theme, it seems to revolve around getting all of my stuff from one place to another. friday night, it was getting it from my ex husband and having to deal with him. last night, i had all of my stuff on a boat??? i think this is my emotional baggage that i have been carrying all of this time.
i am concerned about digging up all of this stuff that i have spent so many years and so much food trying to keep it down. ugh, one step at a time. i cannot spend time thinking about it because i will become too overwhelmed and i will shut down. i am 40, no wonder i am so exhausted, i have spent my whole life dragging this stuff around with me.
the doctor kept asking me if i had been sexually assaulted and i was thinking as a child. my friday night dreams were so kind to remind me about my ex husband. the doctor asked me about panic attacks. i used to have an overwhelming fear that i was going to die in a car accident. at times it would be debilitating, i would have to talk my way through it. i have a st christopher medallion hanging on my rear view mirror and have had it in every vehicle that i have driven for over a decade. unfortunately, this fear started to grip me when i was driving to spend the holidays with my soon to be fiancees family. red flag, that i shouldnt have married that guy.
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